Choose How You Feel
Yes, we have the option of choosing how we feel. My whole life I’ve always thought to myself, “Well, I can’t help how I feel.” Do not confuse this as ‘fighting back the tears.’ This has nothing to do with being strong or manning-up. THIS is about changing your perspective.
Technically it can take from 10-17 seconds to talk yourself ‘off the ledge’ given the right mind frame. To give you a personal example of having an extremely hard time choosing how I felt was this:
A few years ago someone I knew had sent me a huge blatant ‘F%$& YOU’ text.
What?!
Okay, first of all NEVER. IN. MY. LIFE have I ever had a single person text me that! Never! (husbands don’t count) Not saying someone didn’t want to say this to me before. I’m sure there’s been plenty. Second of all, I can count on one hand who my enemies are… if that.
My immediate response was to text 100 of them right back along with 200 more exclamation marks following. That’ll show em’! How dare them! I simply don’t carry relationships like that in my life.
If there has ever been a misunderstanding or and issue that needed resolving the people I choose to have in my life usually just ring me up and say, “Hey… so this is what I’m feeling, thinking, etc. What are your thoughts?” Rational…. right? Not this day!
What did I do, you ask?
Amidst the rising heart rate & flushing skin, I immediately started to use my body to calm down my emotions. Breathe. Breathe again because that didn’t work the first time. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I was at work. I excused myself from my client for a few minutes, went to the bathroom and breathed some more. Long inhale on count 1, normal exhale on 2. Long inhale on 3, normal exhale on 4 and so on.
I talked myself off the ledge by telling myself that if this person said this to me, they probably say that to more people other than me. This wasn’t about me. This was about them and how they chose to react, respond, act. This was how they are choosing to live their life. I did not have to choose the same thing. This was not how I was going to respond because this does not line up with how I want to live my life. This was not about me and giving them a reward of a response will not diffuse this situation. I calmed myself down.
In that moment I chose to feel forgiveness & sorrow for that person because that must be exhausting to live that way. Maybe they were raised this way. Maybe they weren’t. I’m not sure. Either way, it was none of my business and it wasn’t about me. I chose to let myself be affected in the moment because that’s only natural. Then I chose to not be affected after that day.
I walked myself out of the restroom and back to my client waiting for me to finish her hair, but not before the ‘human’ in me took a screen shot. I text it to my small group of trusted/ride or die girlfriends saying, “Look at this!!! Can you believe this bleeping bleep?! What the bleeeeeeeeep?” Because let’s face it… every girl needs a little bit of girlfriend validation. I ain’t perfect but I sure can try!
~Happy Choosing~