Alpha/Beta Harmony

We all have a nature about us. Some very much ‘alpha’ and some very much ‘beta.’ As a young teen, I often had the question of ‘what’s wrong with me?’ for not being more talkative and how to come into my own with situations.

I found myself observing more than interacting if I was in a large group. I thought maybe I should be louder. Or I would equate a lack of interjecting with a lack of confidence. It was confusing because I felt confident with a general sense of belonging and belief in myself. I certainly had the normal self-doubt we all can have but all in all, I was comfortable with who I was. So why did I question this part of me when I saw others take the wheel? And why did I feel I had to take the wheel if I wanted to be someone important?

The answer: I needed to change my definition of someone of importance. I hadn’t met enough people yet. HA!

There are many ways to cite yourself as an assertive beta/quiet alpha. I had been doing it all my life. Just not in the obvious way I thought an alpha was supposed to do.

As I grew older I realized this was actually something I really valued about myself and learned to play with a bit in situations.

For instance, meeting new people — I automatically embrace the situation and feel honored to meet new people. However, being the observer I am, I feel more comfortable getting to know what I’m walking into before I hand over more of my personality. I would say I feel I’m gifting someone my vulnerability. That may sound arrogant but for me, investing in someone, even if it’s a working relationship takes energy. It takes precious energy and a sense of vulnerability. I realize this is not a CEO leadership quality. I believe a leader, a good leader, invests in all of who he/she wants to lead. I would say I am a selective leader.

The Key to Relationships of Your Role as an Alpha/Beta

Learn & Lead — I love to learn, be led by, and lead people once we get to know each other. If we are going to invest in each other there is no alpha/beta. Roles are irrelevant. The ebb and flow of our alpha-beta exchange is fluid. It switches back and forth with harmony depending on the growth of the relationship. This is not to be expected in all relationships. I would call this ‘synchronicity.’ You will not sync with everyone. Isn’t this the beauty of life though? — Finding harmony. Coming into contrast over and over and then finding harmony again with someone. It’s beautiful!

I have no problem taking back seat and letting someone lead. In fact, I find it enjoyable. Especially enjoyable once I am comfortable using my voice to speak up when I desire to take the reins for myself. There is no shame in the nature of being a beta. As long as you can switch hats when needed and remembering the goal is not about leading. That can come later. The goal is harmony of switching roles of leadership within the relationship. This can be applied in any dynamic — parent/child, colleague, assistant, romantic life-partner, friendships.

~Happy Rolling~